alright, I just visited the CT department of motor vehicles site. so in order to get a license, I must first get a permit. I can only get a permit after I turn 16...AND pass a vision and knowledge test.

after getting my permit..I have to hold it for 6 months till I am eligible to take a test for my license. OH YEAH...I also have to have proof showingthat I took a 5 hour course at a high school or commercial driving school and 8 hours training behind the wheel with someone over 20 who had their license for at least 4 years...that'll be my daddy. :) it's pretty complicated...and I know my dad doesn't like to bother with such stuff...he'll be like 'wait till you're older esther...' but my dad gives good advice..so..I dunno. he doesn't like to deal with details like these...troublesome stuff...hedoesn't like.

so....I have the option of being hometrained...which my dad may prolly notlike... or take a course somewhere...which my dad will prolly not like to send me to unless it's a weekly kind of thing...I'll prolly have to find transport to that place to learn how to transport pple. but the school is expensive..hmm..maybe I have a chance of getting my dad to teach me! hahahHA..I crack myself up man...whoo. okay..enough pessimizing... wait..but that'll only be after I getmy permit..haha. so I just have to concentrate on reading the manual..and make sure my vision doesn't go bad. and I have to deal with the necessary forms and applications and requirements...not so bad.

just incase I forget, this is the site:
http://www.ct.gov/dmv/cwp/view.asp?a=805&q=244748

I don't think my parents are mentally up for me driving...I don't think I am either..haha. but I'm sure I can get used to it once I practice...

what is wrong with pple these days man. THEY'RE EATING WAY TOO MUCH. I can honestly say for myself that I sometimes eat a little too much, but til I'm this massive, oversized thing that pants everytime I lift a finger!! yo, this is a crisis that the US is facing...and I'm not really thrilled to observe....I mean, it shows that a countries prosperous right? but...it also shows that a country is undisciplined and uncontrolled.

I walk down the street..and I'm still not really used to this...I see at least 1 person who is severely overweight and can hardly walk. okay..so I'm critical and should have pity on them...but they opposed this on themselves alright. we eat to live not live to eat....so all you guys who are reading this...please please please! cherish your life man...you don't want to be held down by your own person. you want to have power to live, to do stuff...you don't want to say 'I'm too old and fat for that now'. of course you don't want to dwell on childish or youngish activities all your life..but you want to be able to have the satisfaction 20 years down the road that you are still fit and full of life.

I think imma do a bit more research on this...obesity thingy....it's really driving me crazy. I am AMAZED as to how pple can do it to themselves!!! they love eating...but they love themselves too right? how can the love for a physical, consumable item that provides pleasure for just a short time override the love of life? it's unthinkable..I cannot fanthom why.

I love food..don't get me wrong...but I know when to stop. so..the problem IS:

americans don't have discipline, they have so much that they think it's alright to consume.

the SOLUTION:

goes to the root of family. if a family is united and cares for each other..the parents will take notice of what their children are doing...and actually stop them from doing harm to themselves, namely overeating which leads to obesity. as the children learn from young...their own children will follow the same discipline.

HOWEVER:

because of depression...and other psychological effects of this society, parents are sometimes incapable of controling themselves not to mention educate and set a good example for their children!!!. it's a crazy cycle that has to be solved.

i feel helpless..cuz I'm just saying all this and not doing anything. haiz....watch me change the world!!! what am I saying?

sometimes, I feel really sorry for my daddy...even more so than for my mom (she works herself way too much). cuz my mom can't drive, he takes the load of transporting all of us. me to school...my mom to shopping..me to the mall...my bros to frenz house....and other miscellaneous stuff... well you know what? I'm turning 16 this november...so I really should be looking into the process to get my permit and license. wow...another big thingy to put onto my list of things to do. ...........

I have a dilemma (big problem). it has been haunting me ever since I moved to my new house which was in february. okay..I'm in the volleyball team right, and that means staying late for practice and games...usually til 7 for practice and 9 for games. and, my place is like 18 mins from school by car. it's in another town, which makes it really difficult to go back for me. if it was singapore..it would be so easy cuz the public transport is really efficient. HOWEVER, I'm not in singapore am I. heh.

my dad is not willing to drive me everyday...cuz if it's a long term thingy, it will be very hard. when I was still living in bridgeport (where my school is), he picked me up everyday cuz my old house was like 8 mins from school. so my dad's not a bad dad. haha. so there's bus 15 which takes a whole freakin hour to get home and comes only every hour...the last bus is 8:30 and there's no 7:30 bus (which really pisses me off because I don't see why not). then there's the train which is expensive...$2 something compared to the $1 for the bus. and my dad stil has to pck me up from the shelton station (7 mins from home). and it comes at odd hours. there's one at 5 something...then around 9...then 10 something. if I have to take the train, the sensible one that I'll take is the 9pm one...only one that will fit my schedule. 10 is too late.

then there's the option of paying someone's parent on the team who lives near shelton to drop me off. but so far, I don't think any of the players live near shelton...unless one of the incoming freshmen does. but it'll be kinda weird for a younger student to help out a older student...won't be that comfortable.....shoot. grrr!

there's also a very remote chance that my dad will let me stay at a person's place down in bpt until volleyball season is over. there's ton of pple from my church living near UB (5 mins from school). so..I don't see why not...it'll only be like..2 months. man..now that I put it that way..2 months is a LONG time. gosh. and I'll miss my family!! and it'll cost quite a bit....GRRR!

I can also alternate modes of transport home. for those late games and away games...my dad can pick me up...esp since we're gonna be playing lots of away games which will prolly be nearer to shelton. and...for home games or practice, I can take the bus. maybe coach can let me finish practice a little earlier (around 6:15) so I can take the 6:30 bus back and not be stranded till the 8:30 one. yeah..cool....coach is not so unreasonable..ALRIGHT! haha...I felt a warm ray of light there. okay...have I covered everything? then there's the games that finish at odd times...like after 6:30, way before the 8:30 bus...then what'll I do till 8:30 man. maybe I could stay over at someone's house, or papa could pick me up? I hope there won't be that many of those...grrr.

anyway...this has sorted out some stuff in my head. thank goodness.

oh my goodness..I haven't even washed my face or brushed my teeth or put on any real clothes but i'm on the computer. okay...have to be a good girl...so sheeya

oh my goodness...I'm sooo tired from today...my head is actually spinning a little. but I wanna record what I did today..

well, yesterday I was planning to go over to emily's place today, and go to the beach cuz I'm trying to spend some time with her b4 she left for california on friday. her whole family's moving back to cali after only a year of living in bridgeport. :( well...the spend-the-day turned into a get together at the beach. me, emily, liz, hyang mi, shimmy, tae, and junsun and frenz all went to the beach...it's just 10 mins from UB (where they live, and where my dad works). yeah, so we walked there...and we swam mostly, at the beach. I was pretty worried this morning cuz it was foggy and cloudy....but the sky cleared up and it was really nice. the water was real nice too..cold at first but it gets warm as you go out. well..we also lay and tan (what's going to the beach without tanning?!) and we..ATE. emily's mom brought some chicken and soda and pouch juice. I brought munchkins (girls watching weight..haha..so they got kinda sick of it after a while.) I brought a football, a frisbee and a volleyball...but we mainly played with the football...throwing it around the circle. haha..

well..over all..it was really fun...emily came over to my place after, and we chatted online...and then went to walmart to shop for presents for their family and another fren..haha.... it's shopping that gets me headaches...but it's not so bad now. I'm gonna sleep..talk to ya late blogger dear. hah..I'm corny man

more about school

for the first semester...my first period is AP English with Miss panda (she's 80 but has such a young spirit). then I have a nine week course with SAT 1 prep and the following nine week course is journalism. I regret signing up for SAT 1 prep though...I can do it on my own...well..whatever. then I have spanish 4 with miss pietras (gives most HW in the whole school..really lookin forward to that...). then another nine week course with GYM!! and following that Intro to ARt. the first SEmester is gonna be FUN. I'm glad I have all these relaxing classes to go with volleyball. but I have one of the hardest classes too...spanish.

well..second semester seems so far away. I got physics first period with mr collins...pre calculus with miss corb, AP english again with miss panda...then morality with miss miller which will be a bore. she's like..the extra religion teacher. I was really hoping to get mr timinski which is the main religion teacher...he's mean..but he's funny too. he's soo cool. but...have to put up with miss miller....

Ican't wait for school to start again. I'm looking forward to buying all my school supplies at staples, I love how we're starting anew. more teachers to impress and students to help. these are some goals for the new year:

1. win at least half of the volleyball games we play (varsity, JV doesn't really count)
2. keep up grades during volleyball season
3. join pottery classes with BIA after volleyball season
4. be more involved with class activities
5. volunteer more
6. make sure I don't work myself out and have fun :)

you know what I hate the most....it's when I can't think of anything to say to a friend whom I think is pretty close to me. it's like..I'm this antisocial person in this greagarious (sociable) and affable (warm friendly) person. I know I can relate to pple well..it's just sometimes..I clam up.. it's partly cuz I'm so self conscious about myself. like...why would this person who is my friend like to hang out with someone like me rather than someone cooler? I think that ALOT esp with popular kids..or more-popular-than-me kids. and that's when I make a fool of myself. well..whatever..I got MA BRAINS to prove I'm better than them. right mr blogger? yesh...I'm gonna go further than those pple who are LIKED BY EVERYONE but don't like me...and my accomplishments will be more reknown than their little gossip and stuff..grr! I may be born in the year of the rabbit..but I'm a tiger...

I thought of something while washing the dinner dishes just now...

Everyone acts of someone else's example. From everyday things, to what we do with our lives, it is from following. However, there is always an exception. Some take following to a different level. They follow past pple who DIDN'T follow. These select few start new inventions, new ideas...some go so far as to iconoclast (attacking cherished beliefs).

alright..I'm out

one of my summer reading books is Agatha Chrisie-And then there were none (10 little indians). it's SOO good. I started yesterday evening...and couldn't stop till 11. the first part is kinda difficult cuz she talks about 8 characters, introducing each of them and stuff...but you will remember what they're like as you keep reading. I'm going to the library today to get more. :)

I just remembered something really freaky I saw at AJ wright the other day. I brought some clothes to the fitting rooms to try on right...and there was a lady in the stall next to me. the panels that divided our stalls were like..2 feet off the ground...so I could see her toes okay. she had the freakiest little toe in the world. on both feet, her little toe was like, curled upwards onto the top surface of your foot. it's like if you put your little toe on top of your fourth toe...but then the joint of the little toe is a little in...so you can see what it looks like if you imagine your little toe in that position but moved to the right and a little bit down. freaky right?

I'm really depressed about volleyball man. yesterday, we had a spiking line and I did SO bad. coach was like 'esther, go call your daddy and go home'. I was really really pissed off. especially when she just kept criticising and criticising okay... gosh...I just got to get my spiking form right...pushups more...and sprinting more. ................

I was at AJ wright last night. it's this place where they sell things really really cheap cuz there are certain defects in their products..but they're usually just fine. well...at their shoe section, I saw this pair of shoes...they're so cool. they're the kind of shoes that guys would wear, padded everywhere..fat front...they're ocean pacific...dark khaki color and bright orange soles..you have to see it. and only $17!

I was so hyped okay. I got my dad to see them..and he said they make me 'look so teeny bopper' ahahah...well...he told me that I was depressed from volleyball (played pretty bad), I wasn't planning to buy anything...and if I bought that pair of shoes..I would be buying on impulse. so I should think about it..come back a few more times than if I still like them, then buy them. he gives such great advice okay. and also..there was one time I bought a pair of all black reeboks for school....went to school in them and didn't like them anymore. man...love mi daddy. I'll have to see if I can get a pic of those shoes..

whew..I'm sweating like mad right now. I just got back from the hike. it was a really short hike. it's our first family hike, so my dad wanted to start with a easy one. my dad actually woke me up at like 7:30..or at least he tried....and said with a loud voice 'come come, wake up, we're going on a hike with caves, a short one....' turns out, we didn't see any caves along the trail. and the trail took like...25 minutes...and it just went in a circle...boring man. well...at the end, we decided to be a little adventurous. we got off the trail a little and walked towards this cliff like thingy...we thought we could find caves there...haa..we were wrong. well..we decided to climb over it..it was pretty easy. turns out...it was a person's house on the other side of the cliff...hahahaha...it was funny to see the look on the faces. well..I wanted to go back..didn't wanna get caught for trespassing...but then the house was right beside the road and they had a pretty big lawn...so...we just climbed down and dashed for the road. haha..if the owner of the hosue looked out and saw a family of 6 scraggly chinks struggling down their cliff and running across his yard...he'll prolly sue us for looking like idiots or laugh till he drops...

today's saturday right? whoa...everything's going so fast. well, on thursday afternoon, I think, I brought my sis down to bridgeport for piano class. I packed my volleybal stuff just in case I wanted to go. I did go, after hanging at Esther's place (yesh, there is another Esther). We watched part of the mothman prophecies, but then I had to go. :( she didn't want to watch it herself, so she turned it off..haha..it's pretty freaky. well, my dad dropped me off at volleyball. I was playing much better than the day before, most of my serves went over the net with powa! haha...I just need to get myself to sprint to the ball more. man..have to workout!!

okay, then I got a ride down to UB after volleyball and I walked to Esther's house (which is 3 mins from campus). on the way, I decided to get some dinner from the corner store...some doritos and cookies...I didn't want to like..expect their family to feed me. but when I got there, esther was like 'hey eastor, want some dinner?' I was like okay, thanx! haha...it was a really good dinner..as usual, her mom is such a great cook. we had chicken, baked potato, corn, salad, meso soup, and plums and grapes for desert. cool right? wow...my mom makes lotsa dishes too..but not that yummy. okay, then we went to visit the cotters (shimmy and hyang mi) upstairs....it was hyang mi's birthday....and they had a few friends over and they were gonna have a sleepover slash movie marathon slash icecream party. yeah...but we were going bowling, me and esther and dani...so we went bowling.

bowling was fun...but dani kept getting gutters and she was getting really pissed. it was actually a miracle that we got to bowl, cuz esther's mom's car was stranded at the beach (not far away from her house) which was closed. but they drove the car (after getting it fixed) over the curb and grass..haha..brave!

well..at the end of this crazy night, I was ready for bed. oh, but not esther man...we both went up to the cotters, and she sat in front of the TV (yesh, they were still going at 12 midnight!) and watched with them. I just slept on the floor somewhere. haha..they only stopped at 3am. whoa.

well...tata now, I'm going hiking, tell you more about stuff later. (hiking! after all that? I must be crazy)

goodness gracious...I have this frudging eye infection in my right eye. whenever I blink, it feels sore. and there's a little bit of pus comin out.

and last night I had a really really bad tummy ache and diarrhea...I woke up at 11:30 and let it all out. I am RELIeVED!!

I am really proud of myself...for a day that started really sucky, it turned out pretty good. there was volleyball rec at 5, so I took the 3:45 bus down and got to bridgeport at about 4:30. I then went to the library where I got 2 of my summer reading books, a guitar book and 2 other books. then I went to volleyball. the gym was just finished, and the floor's all nice and shiny and varnished. too varnished I should say, cuz now it's hard to slide on our volleyball pads. well..I really stinked at volleyball today, haven't played for SO long okay. well..that got me doing more pushups, I did like 70 today...over the day. what else..oh yeah, I also learned like 40 words, memorized their meanings and stuff for the PSAt. they're high frequency words..got uite a few more to go...but my goal is to finish learning all of them (360+) and study other words.

me, nick, jessie and brian (mi sibs) were playing monopoly just now. it was a really good game actually...I was in debt to the bank like..$1200...but I came back and I won. cool right? yeah..I think so too. then jessie got all mad that I won..again. freakin little kid. so now..I'm not gonna play monopoly for a LONG time. I have better things to do...like:

studying for PSAT, reading, work out for volleyball, practice piano and guitar...

alright..gtg

okay...goal for the rest of the summer (only a month and a week left!!!). read as many books as I can (including summer reading list), have some experience in baking, improve in volleyball.

good luck to mua

today..I had my first official tan...right now my back is itchin. well...at first I was pretty unwilling to try tanning...cuz all you do is lie there with a bathing suit on (reveals yourself) and you're totally vulnerable..if someone tries to get you...you are caught totally off guard. I dunno..but then I tried it and it was actually quite fun being roasted and having the satisfaction of getting a nice rich tan. :)

okay...I'm trying to organize my thoughts...get it out of my system before I go to bed. making new friends and building on those relationships is SO hard. it's like a rollercoaster. its hard to get it started, then it's easy to just talk about things that don't really matter but just for fun. following that, you want to make that newish friend into a close one. this is hard to maintain, cuz now the other person knows you a little better, knows how you act, the dumb things you do, and they start to criticize you. tricky...how to change a little of the bad habits you do but keep being yourself. well..maybe it's just me, when I get self conscious and stuff. grr!

but what makes it the most challenging is that the other person maybe going through the same things you are going through and may want to just give up...or that friend may only be that close to u cuz her own good friend happens to be away...or that friend doesn't go to the same school as you but the same activity for example pottery class and stuff. well...I think friendship is difficult ... maybe sometimes stubborn to take root. gorsh...what should I do?

haiz...I think you feel good when you have the satisfaction of keeping up a friendship and actually getting real close to that person. it's like...'hey, I'm wanted, I am a person that others wanna hang with'. yes, definitely so. and personally, I like that feeling...and I get that mostly with pple who are younger than me. pathetic me. but I tend to move to pple who are my age or older..rather than them come to me. well...that's just a window into my very complicated head of mine. bye.

hey y'all...my sis got a new monopoly set last night right...and we started playing after my friend left..which was at 9:45. we played all the way till midnight...haha..me and my sis and my 2 bros. well...it turns out that me and brian (1st bro) were having a really good monopoly. he had hotels on broadway and park and I had hotels on light blue and orange estates. cool right? we were both rich. but then nick (2nd bro) and jessie were in tears cuz they landed on brian's hotels and mine and were in debt to the bank like $3000 each. well...that's when we said..okay..done. it's kinda stupid.

then this morning...we played monopoly again..haha..I asked them but them they told me that they wanted to ask me first.. well...so much for last night huh. well..nick ended up crying again cuz he got really frustrated that he couldn't get this one estate. grr....I think it's cuz when we trade or buy property from each other..we pressurize alot and stuff..esp me. then they regret selling and other stuff...man. then they think they're like totally terrible board game players..dumb! haiz....

oh my gosh...my dad just told me that the music industry is gonna bring the file sharing companies AND the pple who have downloaded music files (u and me). they're really pushing the file sharing companies to release names...but that's weird cuz it'll be invasion of privacy. but if it does go through...we would have to pay like $750-$1000 for downloading songs...don't matter how many you downloaded.

bummer man...so I've been looking through some sites which let u burn music legally as long as you pay. I tried applemusic.com where you supposedly pay 99cents but you have to have a mac...and to get the program it's $129...gosh. so I'm gonna try listen.com...it looks pretty good, but I'm gonna have to wait for mi daddy to come home so he can give me his credit card number for ze trial. anywayz...I'm still keepin a look out for another site. k byes

wow...I had so much fun today at SFP. First I stayed behind to paint the mural for the 2nd place winner. and then we had 'olympics'. We had leap frog race first. It involved the whole team where the first person crouches, the 2nd leaps and crouches, the 3rd person leaps over the 1st and 2nd pple who are crouching and then crouches and it goes on until everyone has crouched then the first person who crouched jumps over everyone. it's really funny...and surprisingly tiring. whoo.

then we had blinds man. one person is bandanafied and has to get the soccer ball into the box by throwing it. another person guides that person but can't look at him/her...the other team members have to make gestures to the speaker cuz they can see but can't shout to the blind person..it was kinda confusing. .. cuz everyone was shouting and our blind person couldn't hear. !

then we had races where the strongest dragged the lightest in the team in a bed sheet to and fro in the hall. it was so fun...we won..but we had a tie before that..which is still disputed. well..whatever.

then we had the most interesting part. we went outside and we had 3 eating competitions. first is drinking a whole litre of celcic water. I don't think I got that right..but it's like fizzy water...pple who did it said it was nasty. well...danny got beaten flat. then we had a watermelon eating contest. each contestant had to eat a quarter of a gigantic watermelon. and anotherteam member had to hold the watermelon for them cuz they cna't use their hands. it got really really nasty when this guy was like drooling and such all over the place...NASTY...had watermelon goin up his nose and stuff....our team contestant jhemerson was like taking little baby bites..ahha..but we got 2nd to last place. not too bad. :( then we had whipped cream eating contest. had to eat a whole can of it. nasty. we lost that one too...omar backed out!! the winner was like drinking that thing...wow

okay..my fingers and body is tired now....bye

hey today..I did something that I've always wanted to do. let me tell you what

I love those BMW beetles okay. just LOVE them. theyre sooo cute. well..today, I was sitting in the back of my family car (station wagon) and just writing in my book. then this red hot beetle comes driving by us....windows down and everything. now what I wanted to do for a long time was tell the owner of a beetle that I loved his/her car. so this was a perfect opportunity..just that I was in the back! grr....the owner of the car is a mom with her little son in the back. so well..I thought this was wasted..but then she turned into our lane and drove behind us. SO..guess waht I did? I wrote on my book 'I love your car!' and I put it up for her to see...haha..I was so happy. and she also smiled back.

the only thing was kinda embarrassing is that she was going the same way as us..and she drove behind us for a good 10 mins okay...so...kinda awkward since I have no choice but to look in her direction. haha.

I'm listening to this song right now. I just downloaded it from winmx. it's called 'where is the love' by blackeyed peas. omg..this is such a hot song okay. not only is the melody catchy..it's really meaningful. it's a rap song with a sung chorus. here's a part of the lyrics:

I feel the weight of the world on my shoulder
As I’m gettin’ older, y’all, people gets colder
Most of us only care about money makin’
Selfishness got us followin’ our own direction
Wrong information always shown by the media
Negative images is the main criteria
Infecting the young minds faster than bacteria
Kids act like what they see in the cinema
Yo’, whatever happened to the values of humanity
Whatever happened to the fairness in equality
Instead in spreading love we spreading animosity
Lack of understanding, leading lives away from unity


check it out. hope you like it.

Today..for me has been the most successful SFP day of all. The results of the creative competition (with the skits, dances...). and...drumroll please....our team won first place!!! I was really really surprised actually...extremely. cuz there was this other team that everybody loved..but the judges were the staff members...hmm...but they also included in the judging how the audience liked it of course. I think they liked our skit cuz we were the only team that actually spoke in a different language..as the skit was not supposed to be in english. so that's one accomplishment.

second accomplishment. okay...another competition between the teams is making a poster with service for peace on it, depicting a peaceful community. instead of just doing it with our old groups...we split up...so half of my team went with another half of team 6. there was 6 of us all together. so...yeah..it was a bit awkward since we weren't really that used to each other. well....this guy...I'm not gonna name pple..his name is %...let's say. :) % is really artistic..and the other team members are like..hey % you should do this that..blahblah...and so it's pretty set that % should do the lettering cuz he's real good at gryfitti and stuff. he's kinda quiet actually...and he's like...he doesn't like authority figures. so when I was like..trying to get things going..suggesting things and stuff..you know..he doesn't voice out his opinion and just...keeps persisting on his own. I dunno..you have to be in my possition anywayz... well..the thing about it is that....after I spend like..10 mins talking and leading the discussion about how the poster should look...I end up just..sitting there watching h% doing it. I feel like....such an idiot. get what I mean? % did a really good job btw. that was yesterday..

okay..then today..is the last day to finish the poster..I didn't even know..our team got back late from our project..and we're takin our time eating and stuff while the other teams start their posters..and then like..15 mins more...then we start on the poster. I start like..coloring one of the letters that % wrote..and I didn't really have his idea of what it should look like..and he was like..'o you already started..okay then..' like..in a really annoyed manner. so he demonstrates his own way..then he lets us do it..then I color a part he didn't specify to color..well..how was I supposed to know?? and then he just like 'aw man..now I gotta color it even more messed up' OMG...I was like..okay...fine...I'm not gonna touch the poster no more. I was kinda mad that he just..said it like that you know. gosh. well...I just stood there for the next 5 mins...I'm itching to draw pple in a peaceful community around the words. then he shows us HIS STYLE of drawing stick figures and blah blah blah...whatever...and so I just like..draw at full speed...since I got his stick figure to follow...I know he's not gonna like kill me with words.. so..I think of all the things we did in SFP..and just draw them...the whole team helped color..shade...draw. I drew like 99.9% of all the stuff around the words service for peace. real proud of mi self it was cool man..how a team of 6 pple just startworking on a single peace of paper for a whole 10 mins non stop. wow..I was so scared we wouldn't have enoug htime okay..wow. but we made it.

okay...this is the part that made this crazy poster experience successful. so..the staff members are really annoyed that we're still working on our posters although we're supposed to be finished right...so when the first few teams were presenting ...I just do the finishing touches ( outlining pics )...so I felt like a guilty conscience that I was kinda cheating. but I was really determined to make it look better...then % looks over it and was like..good job esther. wow..that made my day okay. I felt .. like...I redeemed kinda...I thought he was gonna condemn me forever!! gosh..that would be terrible right. and the best part was..our team's poster made first place!! ahhhh...I was like ecstatic. and at the celebration in bridgeport this sunday (at washington park) ... our poster is gonna be enlarge..super big...and presented to the community. what an HONOR!!! omg..

OMG man...my legs are hurting so freakin badly. went for a unity hike today (part of SFP). I had so much fun though. We walked up to this fortress place where we had lunch...then after a rest...we walked up somemore..up this really steep place with lotsa rocks...at the top we had a bird's eye view of the surrounding area...it was right over the edge too..my hair stood on end okay...wow...took quite a few pics there..then we went down...also very rocky. at the bottom, we took a group pic with the cliff we were on in the backgroun and walked down to a stream where pple swam in the freezing cold water and jumped from rocks above. fun...but I didn't do it cuz my clothes would be clinging to my body in odd places...and I'll be friggin cold when I get out. I was pretty surprised at some of the pple who actualy went in.

we played 3 games of capture the flag which I absolutely stank in. when we got back to bridgeport...we went to a party at one of the team leader's place...it was for her graduation and stuff....had fun in her baseent singing kareoke. :) only got back at like...6:30...tired...argh.

okay...gonna rest my poor feet and I'm about to call liz...she's off to camp sunrise in NY...:( she's gonna miss the other week of SFP. alright then..

service for peace is going really really well. all my team members are really opening up and bonding. we're gonna do a skit tomorrow...and it can't be in english. I'm gonna be a teacher and I'll be speaking chinese (forreal). and danny is 0gonna speak creole and josh is speaking pretend korean...haha..he won't really know what he's talking about but we've been around korean pple enough to know make it up. heh. tomorrow...we'll be going to the boy and girls club in bridgeport..it's like a community center..but more exclusive. it's a safe place where kids hang. so well...all we do is just play sports with them...ain't that cool? well..at first the kids will be like...shy and stuff...but when you get to know them..they'll be a pain in the butt. hahha..and we'll also be painting. my bro ruined his nice pair of shoes and pants when he went painting the other day..he's in another team by the way.

oh and by the way...it's my bro's birthday tomorrow. he's gonna be 13!!. I don't remember what happened on my 13 birthday...it was .. so long ago. but I just knew things were gonna be different from then on..haha. my dad got him this mp3/cdr/cdrw/tuner walkman...wow. the only thing I don't like about it is it's so fat...well..what do you expect when you ahve all that rolled in to one? and got him this ajax thingy..I can't even remember what it's called. it's like the new yoyo...3 balls connected by string and you twirl it and stuff...it's pretty cool. have to go wrap it then....yeah...that's what I'm gonna do now. alrighty.

United we stand....I saw a guy at walmart with this on his back of his tee: united we run. how about that? wow. that changed my world...oh yeah.

yesh...bagels are made by boiling in water for a few minutes and then baked till golden brown...man I'm hungry. and I'm next to the kitchen where dinner is cooking. :) well..cream cheese...we all know it comes from milk ultimately..and they gave me this fat chunk of info on it's manufacture and how it's made ... and I'm tired like yesterday. so...yeah..lazy me.

the bagel: america's favorite anytime food. I love it too. I'm gonna research on how they make it..my mom said that they boil it..hmm..makes sense cuz they're nice and chewy. but gonna get back to you on that. well. the only thing I don't like about pple eating the bagel is that they put like inches of cream cheese on it. ilk...spoils the texture and taste of the bagel. gonna get back to you on what cream cheese contains too. my favorite cream cheese is the one with onions and chives. okay...researching time.

I'm exhausted..but my mom is prolly even more exhausted. She worries about all of us...brings my sibs to camp...works half day...brought us all for swimming...come home cook...doing laundry and stuff now.. okay..back to what I'm gonna tell you. I had my very first tug-o-war today at SFP.

Our team (7) was up first against team 6. We went the very first round. okay...description of my team: team leader josh is 17..pretty buff and so if geordarni (danny) who is also 17. the rest of the team is 4 kids like 11-13. and me..just a normal person. 7 pple in total. well...we were pretty nervous...Ramon (incharge) put bandanas on each side of the rope..and when the bandana goes over the line..that team is out. so...he said 'GO!' and we pulled and pulled. wow...adrenaline man..esp when the rope is being pulled away from you. I actually almost fell once. felt so embarrassed.
and...we won!!! oh my gosh....we were like..ECSTATIC. OMG. we were like slapping each other on the back and high fiving like mad. wow...that's the biggest success for me.

other teams didn't do so well...some of them had missing team members..which was pretty sad. and some of the matches were pretty surprising. there were 8 teams in total btw. well...we had another round. it's like a tournament thingy. so we went up against another team who had survived..semifinals now. and we won again! man..hands were burning like mad okay. but it don't matter cuz we made it to the finals!! hahaha...it was even crazier than before. well...at the finals..we were so lucky. the opposition was all over 14 okay. and they had more time to rest...and had 8 pple. but..we did pretty good for this circumstance. we hung in there for quite a while...actually winning...but then suddenly something snapped..and we just flew forward. haha. but it was so great though..to win 2nd.

yerp..that was definitely the highlight of the day. so if you see me smiling one day to myself and I'm dreaming...you can guess I'm replaying today in my mind. :)

okay..something funny. I have this friend right...and he said to me one day 'hey esther...I know another esther...but her name has an 'h''.....I was laughing....then I told him I also had an 'h' in mine. if you're not laughing..all I can say is that you had to be there.

what a day...I'm so tired. This was the first day of service for peace for team leaders and ass.es and participants together. my team leader is josh and we have 5 team members. 4 boys and 1 girl. I know the girl and my team leader...so it's not so bad. but I got to know the boys pretty well too.

It was really confusing cuz my team members kept switching. when I first got to my table (7)...there were...4 boys. moms of 2 of the boys were there...one very particularly bossy. That mom wanted the four boys to stick together cuz they knew each other. then lillie..the director came along and talked to her...then the mom was like..oh I already tlaked to so and so about this, it's better if they all stick together...you need to improve on your communications! I'm not trying to be difficult you know. I just cringed....but in the end she let them get split up...so 2 of the kids moved. well...I still got to know 2 pple who were not supposed to be in my team.

I'm really glad I got josh as my team leader...cuz there are other pple whom I knew were team leaders....but I didn't really want to work with them. well...a challenge that I faced was this kid named geordarni (danny for short) came real late...like 1hr +, and he has this baseball cap on...doesn't really look comfortable or excited to be here..and...kinda quiet. so I was worried he wasn't gonna be motivated and stuff. but then he started talking on the way to the clean up project and...it was okay. he's 17 though...would be kinda weird telling him what to do. oh well...

I really hope everything works out...I have to remember that josh is the leader...not me...I know I can get carried away and try to be in charge. heehee..

just got back from the milford mall...I'm so happy that I got rid of the store credit I have for this store I don't really like, and I don't even go to that mall that often. it's this long mall...2 stories and you have to do alot of walking..not that you don't do alot of walking in other malls...but exceptionally so in this one. because I had noone to go with...I had no choice but to go with my little bro..yes..the bro that so annoyed me just the day before. I know..kinda pathetic...since Idon't have anyone to go with...I have only my siblings left to accompany me with to the mall. but..good exercise for him :)

I finished the harry potter book yesterday at approximately 3:25pm. yes..it was a very memorable moment. and because I spent the last 3 days sitting immobile on the coach reading that book...I gained a bit of weight I think. well..it could be my imagination..but, my tummy's a little more flabby. gotta do crunches. I also gotta do more exercises cuz volleyball season starts next fall....

OMG!!! I am SOO fuming mad at my little bro okay. he totally gave away the ending of the harry potter book to me that he heard from his friend. But no..I'm much more considerate..I'm not gonna tell you guys...I won't SPOIL THE THRILL OF READING TILL THE END TO FIND OUT for you!!! I swear....#@!%

ARGH!

This is a shoutout to mi fellow gramma (inside joke) Elizabeth. Hehee..she started her own blog after reading mines and mentioned mine. So..one good deed deserves another right? yesh....hers is teenage-drama-queen.blogspot.com So suits her. :)

I just realized this blogspot website thingy is 3 hours behind my actual time. It's probably in the west coast. okay..just something interesting I notice. It's now 9:59pm

My dad surprised me at barnes and nobles by buying me the new Harry Potter...my plan was to go there everyday and read for 2 hrs at least, and hopefully make my dad so frustrated that he would buy it..haha...no, I'm not that evil....but I was gonna go everyday till I finished it. Well...Harry potter is currently 15 in the book, and I can really identify with him. The way he compares people with himself, since he's so famous, he sometimes expects to get better things than his friends, which is sometimes how I feel..guiltily. And he has major mood swings, so typical of someone his age. J.K rowling has really outdone herself. I'm now on pg 306..not bad for 2 days. k..gtg, the book...calls to me. :)

I was at barnes and nobles the other day, and I came across this Seventeen Magazine, I think it's the one with charlie's angels on the cover...but that's irrelavant. There was an article inside about the kinds of fats. 2 of them were bad for the body. One of them is PARTIALLY HYDROGENATED FATS. I came home and did more research:

I searched google for partially hydrogenated fat, and I came across this website. http://www.treelight.com/health/PartiallyHydrogenatedOils.html You could check it out yourself. But the main idea is that Hydrogenated fats and partially hydrogenated fats contains alot of TRANS FATS. What does trans fats do? They attach to the walls of your cells and prevent good fatty acids (which carry out vital reactions of the body) from getting in. SO...since the good fatty acids can't get into the cell, they build up in other places waiting to get in. Over time, they build up in quantity and form fat cells. These fatty acids build up in the places you don't want, like the face, neck, bum, waist. Trans Fats also leads to heart disease, cancer and other terrible stuff.

What should we do to avoid partially hydrogenated food??? Don't eat like 99.9% of the food we're eating now...well, at least in the US. Biscuits, chips, cookies, fast food, anything you can think of contains partially hydrogenated food. Why? it's is because partially hydrogenated oil or fat is way cheaper than butter. So it acts like a butter substitute, making the food have a richer taste and yummier texture. Good for companies like Nabisco, bad for unsuspecting consumers like us who just want something tasty to munch on. According to the website, lay's classic potato chips, Laura Scudder's chips, paul neuman fig newtons...are safe for your consumption.

What are we supposed to do for parties, and other food involving events then? Man...our choices are limited. Either pretend that you didn't read this (ignorance is really a bliss), or go on your normal life and hope you won't be struck by terrible diseases and exercise...alot.

Hey hey.

finished SFP (service for peace) just 45 mins ago. At the end of the program, we saw the video that this guy named Mike took of us, just interviews and stuff. And he actually interviewed me as well. It seemed really weird to hear and see myself. you're usually seeing or hearing other people, rarely yourself, unless of course, you're a hollywood star or something. Well, honestly, I thought I sounded pretty dumb. Because I only came to the states just 2 years ago...my accent is really a forced kind. And..I sound really..ugh. I dunno. But, if I try to change out of that...comfort zone, the way I talk or act...I think it'll be even more awkward..so..maybe I should just stay the way I am and hope others accept me.

Can you put pics on this thing? I dunno, when I first started using this thing, it felt pretty....inflexible..all you put down is your thoughts and journal stuff that noone really cares about. haha.. well, I'm gonna try to load a pic on this:

shoot...didn't work. I tried to copy and paste it from another website. don't worry..it's a good pic.

I just got back from Bridgeport. Bridgeport is where my dad works (UB), where I go to school, and where a large percentage of my time is spent. It is about 15 mins from where I live, which is Shelton, but usually 20 mins cuz my daddy is a careful driver (good cuz pple drive recklessly over here).

What did I do in Bridgeport? Well...today is the second day of the leadership training for Service for Peace. I'm gonna be a team assistant. My friend put down team ass., for short. heh. The real thing is gonna start monday...for 2 weeks. We're all wearing blue tees...so they'll know we're doing service work, and not stealing or messing up the place....haha.

Okay, gtg.